YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON IN ANOTHER WOMAN’S MARRIAGE: NOT EVEN CELEBRITIES!!

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Women, especially YOUNG WOMEN, Get It Through Your Thick Heads: YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON IN ANOTHER WOMAN’S MARRIAGE!! If you old birds don’t know this by now, y’all need several couches!! LOL. I’m getting sooooo tired of hearing woman blubber on and on and on and on till the break of dawn, about how they wish they could have a good man like their friend’s. Or how they wish they could have a good man like their sister’s. Or how they wish they could have a good man like their mother’s. Or how they wish they could have a good man like some celebrity that they see on television and read about in the blogs.

Rapper Earl Hayes & His Wife

Look at what happened to the dancer & VH1 star, Stephanie Moseley. She died this Monday, December 8th in a murder suicide by the hands of her husband, rapper, Earl Hayes. He had been accusing her of having an affair, so they were in the process of splitting up, then he shot her to death and turned the gun on himself. I’m sure their relationship looked so happy from the red carpets. But something tells me this young lady was suffering in silence in a bad, abusive, marriage, that didn’t end well. Tragic!! Sad!!!!

So how do you know if a woman’s husband is good?? BECAUSE SHE TOLD YOU SO?? How do you know if a woman’s husband is good?? BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE HE IS??? How do you know if woman’s husband is good, BECAUSE HE APPEARS TO BE loving, nice, attentive, supportive, respectful, hardworking, successful, a good father, a good friend; means he is?? Know this; most women “act as if” or lie about their relationships. Know this; there is NEVER any way of KNOWING what a woman is going through in her marriage.  It’s not my opinion, IT’S A FACT!!  As the old saying goes, “LOOKS ARE DECEIVING!!” or “ALL THAT GLITTERS, AIN’T GOLD!!” WAKE THE HELL UP Ladies! YOU DON’T HAVE ANY CLUE IF THE MARRIAGE YOU ARE OBSERVING FROM THE SIDE LINES, IS A GOOD MARRIAGE!! UNLESS YOU LIVE IN THE HOUSEHOLD WITH THE COUPLE, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S GOING ON IN THAT WOMAN’S MARRIAGE!! What are you women NOT getting!!?? Am I the only woman left on earth who took off her rose colored glasses!!??

 

Before y’all start calling me a bitter bitch!! An angry black woman!! A jealous hater!!!

Read the entire blog first then if you still feel that way, then you do what you do and I do what I do!! LOL. Let me start by saying, NO, I’m not bitter at all. I’m a very fun person who loves to laugh and enjoy myself and people. NO, I’m not angry! Well, not about relationships. LOL. NO, I am not jealous of any one. Jealously is for ignorant, immature, women who don’t have a life!! This blog is about trying to remind women that EVERYBODY ISN’T MEANT FOR MARRIAGE!! This blog is about trying to make women understand that EVERYBODY ISN’T MEANT FOR MARRIAGE WHEN THEY WANT TO BE!! This blog is about bringing to women’s attention, BE CAREFUL WISHING FOR SOME OTHER WOMAN’S MARRIAGE, YOU MIGHT GET IT!! This blog is about trying to open women’s minds to LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE!! This blog is about trying to open women’s minds to the fact that WHAT IS FOR YOU, IS FOR YOU, AT THE TIME IT’S FOR YOU, AND NOT A MINUTE SOONER!! So STOP asking, “why does she have a good man and I don’t!! It’s like my tall, lanky a_s asking, “why am I tall and she isn’t.” You see how juvenile that sounds??

Although I have NO desire to be married and made a conscious decision not to ever get married because I now know I’m not meant to be married. I DON’T think marriage is a bad institution at all. If a person wants to get married, goody goody for them. The bottom line is, grown folks, making grown folks decisions, is grown folks business!! LOL. In fact, anyone who knows me, knows, I love a good wedding. I shut the place down!! I go, get my eat on, get my dance on, and bounce!! So this blog is partly my commentary, partly my opinion, partly my observation, partly my experience, partly research, partly statistics, but mostly giving you something to think about.  So it isn’t to be taken personally as if this song is about you!! If the shoe fits, wear it!! If it don’t apply, let it fly!! LOL.

Yes, I am aware that there are good marriages. I THINK my brothers Kenny & Craig are in good marriages. The operative word is THINK. I would never say that I KNOW what kind of marriage they have because I don’t live with them. Because I’m also aware that the divorce rate is 60%, which means, there are a lot of very unhappy couples out there, who might look happy, as you’re peering through the picture window of there home, but in reality, could be scratching each others eyes out. And let’s not mention the percentage of people who are not divorced, but are separated in the house. If we throw that little known fact in, the number of unhappy marriages grow even bigger!!  So ladies, stop living vicariously though other women by gassing yourselves up and letting visions of sugar plums dance in your heads about the perfect marriage. Playing games like that with yourself can cause YOU to get married to the wrong man, at the wrong time, for the wrong reason/s. And love, ALONE, is not a good enough reason to get married. You’ll be divorced before the signatures dry on your marriage license.

Not only do YOU NOT KNOW what’s going on in other women’s marriages, nobody EVER really knows anybody fully, not even the people in the marriage. Can I get an Amen??? A perfect example is #TheFugees video director, #AswadAyinde, who got 50 years for repeatedly raping all 5 of his OWN daughters. NASTY!!  And if that’s not bad enough, he is believed to have fathered 6 children with three of the daughters, he delivered the babies himself at home and when two died, he buried them in the backyard without reporting it to the police. This man is a monster!! I’m sure his wife Beverly thought she knew him. I’m sure a lot of women thought she had a good man because he was a successful, award winning music producer, with money and celebrity and he looked like father of the year. So for those women who know them personally, who were at the wedding and wished it could have been them, because they appeared to be such a happy couple, with a wonderful marriage, clearly now realize that they dodged a bullet and an orange jumpsuit!! Because if a man did that to my child, the department of corrections would be my new fashion stylist!! Period.com!! Is my point becoming any clearer to y’all now??

Ok, let me go here, over the years, many women I knew and came in contact with, fronted like they had the best husbands since sliced bread. But once they got divorced, then they told me all the gruesome details of how they bought their own wedding ring, how he cheated on them constantly, even on the wedding night, he had children with mistresses, he gave her a disease, he abused her and the list goes on. I could have been married too; twice!! Don’t act so shocked!! LOL.  If I didn’t wake up and smell the cappuccino, I would have been married and divorced and married and divorced.  But I’m not into faking the funk!!

The first time I was proposed to, if I would have accepted, I would have been married to a crackhead, alcoholic, whom I shall call “Summit.” Sure, I could have married him and acted like we were living the American dream; a house, 2.5 kids and a dog. But the reality was, I would have been in the house suffering with an addict, who was stealing from me and telling his mother I was stealing from him, to hustle her out of money to pay his “rent.” When in reality, he smoked up the money!! Sure, I could have married “Summit” and bragged that I had a good man, when in reality, he was always home in drunk sleep or in the middle of some junkie mood swing. But instead of trying to fit into the “moral high ground, married, woman’s club,” I decided to be true to myself and I left his stupid, lying a_s!!  Sure, I could have been married to Ken, a man who I dated for 7 years, who loved me so much, that he left me in the hospital to die. With that kinda love, give me hate!! Oh, we made a beautiful couple back in the day. He was tall, light and handsome. I was tall, cute and aerobicized. LOL. We were both educated, had careers and traveled to nice places on vacation every year. So from the outside, we looked fabulous. But from the inside, I was a low self-esteem hot mess and HE played a big part in it. Every chance he got, he told me straight to my face, “Lisa I love you but I’m not in love with you.” Hearing that made me cry uncontrollably. But when I finally decided to leave his un-attentive, neglectful,  a_s, he asked me to marry him.

For those of you who watched the show #Martin, do you remember his first proposal to Gina?? He screamed, “Ok Gina I’ll marry ya!!” As if he was some kind of prize that she was begging for and couldn’t do without. Well that’s exactly how Ken asked to marry me.  When we met at the Ponderosa in West Orange, NJ one day for our break up lunch, he said, “ok Lisa, what do you want, a ring?? Is that it?? Is that what you want, a ring?? Ok, I’ll get you a ring!!”  I felt so cheap and disgusted! I wanted to throw up in my mouth! This man thought that he was some sort of consolation prize on #ThePriceIsRight!!  But at that point, I had the strength and the self-esteem to tell him, very politely and assuredly, “NO KEN, I DON’T WANT A RING. I WANT TO LEAVE YOU AND THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I WILL DO!!” I walked out and never saw that ‘ignant’ fool again!! LOL.

Let me recap; NEVER admire any other woman’s marriage!! Yes, be happy for them. But spend your time staying open to meeting the man who is right for you!! So the moral of this blog is…since you never know what’s going on in another woman’s marriage, just chill!!! Drop the desperation!! It ain’t cute!! Understand that the grass ain’t greener on the other side of the street, because all you have to do is water your grass and it will be green too!! Ladies, I know deep down y’all know EXACTLY what I’m talking about!! That’s it and that’s all!!

http://www.Lisadurden.com

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